Six Tips for Dealing with Technical Support

Tips for Dealing with Technical Support

Odds are, whether you own a PC or a Mac, at some point you’re going to have to contact Technical Support and deal with a TSR. Users of *nix, sit down and shut up, we’re not talking to you. After you’ve done your six hours in purgatory, er, the call queue, here are some tips on dealing with your TSR:

1. Don’t tell us what you’ve already done, we don’t care. - Don’t tell us you’ve already rebooted the computer, checked the connections, and/or installed the latest drivers. Experience tells us that you are lying. Even if you weren’t lying, in most cases, we are required by policy to run you through the most basic and mundane fixes to your problem, so why waste our time by rattling off a whole list of things you’re just going to have to do over again?

2. Don’t complain about your time in the call queue. - We know you’ve spent hours in the queue. We know this because we just dealt with the forty-six people ahead of you who swore up, down, and sideways that they had already done all the troubleshooting steps we were asking them to perform. Besides, even if the queue wasn’t terribly long, we were probably in the middle of something more important than your call, like a game of Team Fortress Classic.

3. Don’t be offended by our air of superiority. - Because let’s face it, we’re better than you. If we weren’t, you’d have solved your own problem and you wouldn’t be stuck in the call queue waiting for us to finish our game of TFC. Don’t get us wrong, we don’t think you are a witless mouth-breather (most of the time). Its very nice that you have a doctorate in rocket science. You can be smug and superior when we call you for help with our rocket ship. Until then, shut up and do as you are told.

4. Don’t be vague; attempt to converse intelligently. - The first thought that pops into our head when your complaint is “my thing that does stuff isn’t working” is that you should probably consult with a professional urologist. The second thought that pops into our head is that you are a witless mouth-breather. Take the time to look at the documentation and at least try to identify parts by their proper names. USB adapter instead of “cable thingy”, etc.

5. Listen to your mother, don’t lie. - You know you broke it, we know you broke it, don’t make matters worse by insulting our intelligence. If you own up to the fact that you didn’t bother reading the sticker inside the packaging marked “IMPORTANT! READ ME FIRST!” odds are we’ll take pity on you. Otherwise, we’re just going to make your life miserable for wasting our time. This is what perma-hold is for. Enjoy our selection of 80’s power ballads.

6. Do control your temper. - We know you are frustrated. We know that your frustration was compounded by the fact that we turned the call center phones off for two and a half hours so we could could watch pirated movies on the Internet. However, don’t take your frustration out on us. You need us. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be calling. Bitching us out, questioning our skills, or threatening to talk to our “manager” is only going to result in us subtly convincing you to format your hard drive, scratch all your install media, and burn out your LCD. You’ve been warned.

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Volinette’s Song : A Solendrea Tale

“I said NO!” Volinette pushed the lute back into her mother’s arms with more force than she had intended. There was a dissonant twang and snap as the neck of the heirloom instrument broke free of the body.

“Now look what you’ve done,” Reanna said, her lips set in a thin white line. “Your grandfather’s lute. Ruined.”

“I’m sorry,” Volinette replied. She was. The best memories of her childhood were at her grandfather’s knee, listening to him sing and play. “I’m sorry, but I’m not grandfather, I’m not father, and I’m not you. I don’t want to carry on the line. I don’t want to be a bard! I want to do this!”

Volinette realized she had been shouting, her nails were biting into the palms of her hands. She forced herself to take a deep breath, wincing as she realized that she did so as a singer would.

“I can feel the Taka ebb and flow. Feel it washing over us. Feel it washing through us,” She paused, gazing at the entrance to the tower which stood at the verge of the courtyard. “And I am its vessel.”

Reanna scuffed the toe of her sandal against the sandstone and stared off into to the distance. It was a long time before it she replied.

“How can you know?”

“I don’t know. I can’t know. But I have to try.”

“You’re sure?”

Volinette didn’t reply. She looked up at the obsidian tower glistening in the sunlight. How many had thought they were a vessel only to come here and fail. To be sent home with token honors but knowing that they were ultimately unworthy.

For years she had been forced to keep her communion with the Taka a secret. Her father had said that her special abilities could easily frighten the other villagers. Volinette would always remember the beating that he had given her after she used a few simple spells to amuse the children one afternoon. That day she had realized her father wasn’t afraid for her. He was afraid of her.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and Volinette wiped it away angrily. She hadn’t cried when her father had taken a switch to her bare shoulders and she surely wouldn’t cry now. Regardless of what her parents thought, she would pass her tests and become a wizard.

The large silver bell at the top of the tower began to toll, calling out an invitation to those who believed they possessed the skills needed to enter the School of Sorcery. Her tears forgotten, Volinette hefted her sack from the ground, swung it over her shoulder, and started toward the tower. After she was accepted into the academy, she could put the shame and humiliation of her past behind her.

“Come, Mother, it is time to finish what I’ve started.”

Volinette walked across the courtyard, her head held high and proud.

A page met them at the door and led them through the labyrinth of dark glass corridors under the Great Tower. He commented offhandedly on various artifacts that were on display, obviously bored of his assignment. The page ushered them into an immense chamber, the High Council’s Concordance.

Volinette gazed around the room, her eyes bulging. Never in life had she seen such ornate adornments. The walls were draped with brightly colored tapestries depicting various scenes from Solendrea’s past. Each was woven in vivid detail, each more captivating than the last. Plush fur rugs were piled upon the floor, adding a warm insulating layer between her thin sandals and the cold glass.

An exquisite obsidian throne dominated the center of the room. Its intricate detail was the life’s work of a dozen master craftsmen and wizards. Volinette took at step toward it and felt the latent Taka wash over her. She gasped and stepped back.

The tables, where the Masters would sit when the council was in session, were arranged in wide half-circles in front of the throne. The scent of roses was as thick as spilled perfume, but Volinette couldn’t locate fresh flowers anywhere. Large oil lanterns hung from short brass chains anchored in the ceiling, casting warm circles of light on the floor and helping to heat the subterranean room.

Volinette ran her hand along one of the tables, relishing every inch of the polished wood. They were ancient and worn smooth, almost soft to the touch. Volinette had often wondered what it was like to be a Master on the High Council, being in the room only intensified that curiosity. What would it be like when she had finally graduated the academy and became a Master herself?

Those days were a long way off, she scolded herself. She hadn’t even been accepted into the School of Sorcery and yet she was already making plans for what life would be like when she finally became a Master.

Though there was still a shadow of a doubt in her mind, Volinette was almost sure that she would be selected to enter the academy. Though forbidden from doing so in public, she had practiced her magic deep in the woods where she couldn’t be seen and punished for her errant love. Still, there were things that she did not know and in the Great Tower she would be expected to learn and control real magic. Forces that could kill.

Volinette shuddered. Her father relished telling the story of a young man from their village that had dabbled in magic he didn’t understand. The spell had backfired horribly, searing the flesh from the boy’s skull. Her father had been trying to scare her out of her passion for magic, but failed. Volinette knew that her father wanted to be rid of her as much as she wanted to become a wizard. Her parents had been very careful to whisper their fears in the darkest hours of the night but Volinette had still heard them argue about their daughter’s future.

As Volinette glanced about the room, she realized that she was much younger than the others who had come for the test. Most of the other hopefuls were into early adulthood, while she was barely halfway through her teens.

A handsome young man slipped through the crowd and came to stand by Volinette. He was tall and muscular, with dirt under his fingernails and thick calluses on his fingertips that marked him as a member of a farming community. His face was broad and tanned, with a crooked smile and a thick shock of unruly brown hair than hung down over his forehead.

“You’re Volinette of Wheatborne, aren’t you?”

Volinette peered closely at the young man. He looked very familiar, but she couldn’t quite place him. Sudden realization dawned on her and she broke into a wide smile. Jaleel’s family had traveled through her village last summer, bartering the surplus cattle from their ranches.

“Jaleel,” she said warmly. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too. Have you come to see one of your brothers test for the academy?”

“Actually,” she uttered through clenched teeth, her cheeks blazing. “I’m here to take the test myself.”

“You!” Jaleel gave a hearty bark of laughter. “You’re just a kid! A girl! How can you expect to win a place in the School?”

“Girls actually have an easier time learning the more complicated rituals, Jaleel,” a contralto voice chimed in from behind them. “I would remember that if I were you.”

The young man whirled to face the new voice and realized that it was his turn to flush. Maera, the Head Master of the High Council, stood behind him with her arms folded across her chest. She was clad in her finest ceremonial robes, the black satin cloak shimmering under the lantern light. Maera’s long silver hair was drawn back in a braid, her amber eyes dancing with amusement over the young man’s discomfort.

“I beg your pardon, Head Master,” Jaleel finally managed to say. “I was just…”

“I know what you were doing.” Maera’s voice was as cold as the Northern Rim. “You have other, better things your should be doing. Run along.”

The Head Master watched as the young man slunk off, his head hung low. Apparently satisfied, she turned to Volinette with a warm smile.

“As for you, young lady, have you been practicing for today?”

“Yes, Head Master. As often as I could manage to slip away from my chores.”

Volinette shot a sidelong glance at her mother, whose lips had returned to the thin white line. She was sure that her mother had known she was abandoning her duties, but it was obvious that she hadn’t known why.

“Good,” Maera said, ignoring the sudden friction. “Even Masters have to practice. Remember that.”

“I will, Head Master.”

Maera winked and disappeared into the growing crowd. Volinette gaped, unable to believe that she had just spoken with the most powerful woman in Dragonfall. Shivers ran up her spine as she relived the conversation in her mind.

A tap on her shoulder brought Volinette out of her reverie. She looked up. Her mother was pointing across the chamber where Maera was climbing to the top of the throne.

“Be seated, please.” Maera’s magically amplified voice bounced off the glass walls, penetrating the mind as well as the ear. The Head Master paused for a moment, allowing the candidates and their families’ time enough to make themselves comfortable and then settled herself into the throne.

“Welcome to the Great Tower. You’ve traveled from the very edges of the land to participate in the test that will determine this year’s applicants to the School of Sorcery. Many of you come well prepared for the challenge that you will undertake. However, many of you are still young and inexperienced. It is to you that I put the following warning.

“The tests are not intentionally designed to kill; they are primarily designed to test the skill and wit of those who would be the future Masters of the High Council. They are, by necessity, hard on the applicant. I will not lie to you and tell you that no applicant has ever died. In fact, the opposite is true. We mourn the loss of each young soul, but the threat of death is something that each of us must face.

“If any of you have doubts, leave now and come back after your experience has grown. There is no shame in admitting that you must wait for another day. In fact, it is a strong person indeed who can admit his or her own weakness. It is far better to walk out of this chamber with a minor injury to your pride, than to end up injured in the test yard because you weren’t ready.”

Maera paused a moment and Volinette considered the implications of the warning. She had come this far; she wasn’t about to give up now. Besides, she was sure she could do it.

“It is time to take the next steps of your journey. I must ask the families of the applicants to leave now. You’ve escorted them as far as the Great Tower, but they must make the rest of the voyage alone.”

Volinette looked up as her mother slipped a finger under her chin.

“Are you ready?” Reanna asked, looking deep into her daughter’s eyes.

“I’m ready. I’ve been ready for a long time.”

For the first time, Volinette saw something new in her mother’s eyes. It wasn’t displeasure or fear, it was true understanding.

“I believe you.”

Reanna spun on her heel and walked quickly out of the room, as if afraid that staying longer would reveal things she’d rather keep hidden. Volinette watched her go without remorse. It had been a short goodbye, but it had meant more to her than anything any member of her family had ever done.

The exodus thinned and soon only the candidates remained. Volinette noted that their number was greatly reduced. Many of the hopefuls had slipped out of the room to practice more before returning next year. Maera cleared her throat, attracting their attention.

“So the rest of you believe that you have what it takes to finish the test. Good. It takes a strong mind to become a Master of the magical arts and I think that at least some of you will make it all the way.”

Maera stood and descended from the throne, standing in the midst of the candidates.

“From this point onward, each of you will be known as an apprentice in homage to the work that you have put forward to reach this point. Even if you are defeated in the test, you will always have that rank and honor within the Great Tower. Come now, let us begin.”

Maera swept out of the chamber, leading the procession of young men and women up through the bowels of the Great Tower and out into the courtyard. Assembled in a loose circle were all the current Masters, even those too old to attend the regular council meetings. As the apprentices entered, a cheer went up from the assembly, followed by a welcome of warm applause. These young people, or those that passed the test, would be their peers in years to come. They deserved the same respect.

Maera stopped in the center of the courtyard, motioning for the apprentices to gather around her.

“The rules of the test are simple. You merely need to stay conscious, and alive, for the duration of the test. You will have only your magic to protect you, so use it wisely. In a moment, the Masters will create a spell dome over the courtyard, trapping you inside.

“There are five open places in the School of Sorcery, so the last five apprentices standing will fill those slots. Do you understand?”

Volinette and the other apprentices nodded. The courtyard had grown silent as the last echoes of Maera’s instructions died away.

“Good. Let the test begin.”

The silence was shattered by a crack of thunder. Maera had disappeared from the courtyard and only the apprentices remained.

Volinette instinctively looked skyward, sensing the presence of the force dome. It was there as promised, as if the courtyard were encased in a thickness of smeared sky. Objects on the outside of the dome were blurred, as if she had just emerged from a deep sleep and hadn’t yet wiped the night sand from her eyes.

A piercing scream snapped Volinette back to the task at hand. A skeleton was clawing its way out of the earth, its empty eye sockets alight with a sinister orange glow. Other skeletons emerged, shuffling toward the apprentices as they huddled together.

Volinette forced her feet to move, separating herself from the huddled mass of her colleagues. Across the dome she could see Jaleel hurling miniature bolts of lightning at the monstrous creatures, detonating them in bursts of bone fragments and dust.

The others were catching on now, each fighting according to their own talents. One young woman arched her fingers above her head, drawing a ball of magical flame from the air and sending it slamming into her foe.

Volinette felt an icy finger press into her flesh and whirled to stare directly into the face of death. Dropping to her knees, she rolled from the creature’s grasp, coming to stand behind it. Volinette wove an intricate pattern in the air with her fingers while speaking the words of power. She felt the Taka flow through her as strand of tacky webbing flew from her fingers, cocooning the skeleton. The beast fell to the ground, unable to keep its balance.

There was no time to rest. As the apprentices destroyed the skeletons, more horrific creatures appeared. Noxious trolls materialized from out of thin air and entered the fray, their battle-axes swinging in wide arcs of instant death. Volinette watched in horror as a boy no older than twelve was cleaved in half at the waist, the wicked blade spilling his entrails onto the cobblestones. It was suddenly real. Deathly real. Not even the finest cleric could heal a wound of that magnitude.

The apprentices split into pairs, trying to deal with the new threat by using teamwork. Volinette cast a web around one of the trolls, but it easily broke free. The trolls were much stronger than the skeletons had been. Volinette concentrated on the cold snows of winter, shooting a cone of razor-sharp ice from her palms. The troll roared as shards of frozen water tore into its flesh.

Volinette felt something hit her foot and looked down to see the head of a troll rolling across the courtyard. She jumped back involuntarily, directly into the path of a swinging ax blade. Jaleel tackled her, dropping them to the ground just as the blade swung overhead.

Volinette flashed him an apologetic glance and then rolled from under him. She was on her feet again in an instant, ready to fight. The trolls had mostly been destroyed and Volinette waited nervously to see what new horror the test had in store for them.

Nothing happened. Volinette and the others looked around nervously, surprised not to be the target of a new onslaught. It seemed, at least for the moment, that they were out of immediate danger.

Across the courtyard, Volinette could see Jaleel kneeling by the young man who had met his unfortunate demise and the end of a troll’s ax. Most of the other apprentices were crouched by the edge of the dome, waiting like animals penned for slaughter.

As Volinette approached Jaleel, her feet sank into the sandstone, throwing her off balance. That wasn’t right. She struggled with the thought. How could she sink into stone?

A magical spring had welled up in the center of the courtyard, seeping through the stone. The apprentices watched warily, waiting for a water demon or a sea monster to spring out at them. Nothing emerged from the water, but the spring did not stop flowing. In fact, the flow increased, reaching the edge of the force dome and lapping against it. A sudden geyser of water erupted, flooding the dome with the force of a river. Volinette made herself focus on creating a bubble of breathable air in the midst of the swirling tempest.

The water quickly filled the dome, drowning the many apprentices that hadn’t protected themselves quickly enough. Volinette watched in horror as Jaleel’s body floated past her bubble, drifting serenely in an unseen current, eyes wide and staring.

As quickly as it had appeared, the water began to evaporate like a puddle in summer sunshine. Volinette floated gently to the ground, releasing her control over the bubble of air and allowing it to dissipate. She was cold, wet, and tired, but she knew she couldn’t give up. There were only seven apprentices left, which meant that the test was almost complete.

Many of the remaining candidates scurried around the dome, trying to cope with the terrors that had been inflicted on them. The ground began to tremble with the force of an earthquake. Huge rocks thrust up from the earth, moving under the accord of some unearthly power. Volinette stood, rooted in place by fear, as a huge stone elemental pulled itself out of the earth.

The creature stood sixty hands high, its limbs the size of huge tree trunks. The monster swayed uneasily for a moment before stumbling toward a couple of apprentices cowering at one edge of the dome.

The apprentices scattered. Two younger men paired up to throw lightning at the massive elemental, but succeeded only in chipping its stone skin. With an otherworldly shriek, the elemental slammed a fist into the boys, killing them instantly. The force of the impact was enough to throw the others to the ground.

There were five of them now, Volinette thought, scrambling to her feet. The test should be ending! She ran to the edge of the dome and peered out. Through the haze she could see the Masters rushing to and fro, tracing complicated symbols in the air. Muffled shouts were all that would penetrate the magical barrier.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way! The test was supposed to be over when there were five apprentices left. Volinette felt icy claws of panic tighten around her stomach. Could the Head Master have lied about the test?

The other apprentices had lost all composure. Across the courtyard, Volinette could see them pounding on the dome, unaware that the elemental was approaching.

Volinette gathered breath to shout a warning but a single clear note came instead. Sudden inspiration struck her. Perhaps her mother had been right; her music could be useful after all! The young girl opened her mouth, letting the high sweet notes of an old folk melody cut through the terrified screams of her companions. Volinette raised her arms, weaving streams of Taka to the rhythm of her song. The elemental stopped and turned toward the new sound. As Volinette continued to sing, she could feel the Taka gathering. It filled her, mind and soul, and spilled out of her, sparking and shimmering in the air around her.

Volinette felt her blood start to burn, the pleasure-and-pain combination that infused her body whenever she cast a particularly difficult spell.

Stretching her hands out before her, she released her control, letting the magic merge with her melody. A few premature sparks showered from her fingertips but she paid them no heed, concentrating instead on the song bursting from her lungs.

As she reached the final stanza of the song, there seemed to be a solid, pulsing shaft of energy linking her to the elemental. As the last note of her song faded away, Volinette collapsed, only vaguely aware that the elemental had exploded in a shower of stone fragments.

The force dome collapsed and the Masters rushed into the courtyard, calling for clerics as they reached the few apprentices who remained.

Volinette couldn’t move. She felt as if all the bones had been torn from her body and her head throbbed to the beat of an unseen drum.

Maera dropped to her knees beside her.

“Are you alright?” Maera asked urgently, her eyes blazing.

“I don’t know. Did I pass?”

One of the Masters standing beside them chuckled in spite of the circumstances.

“She’s going to be a handful, Maera.”

The Head Master looked at her with something akin to awe.

“My girl, you did much more than merely pass. The elemental wasn’t part of the test.”

“It wasn’t?” Volinette shuddered, unable to control the new fear that overwhelmed her.

“It wasn’t. The elemental was created by members of the Order of the Onyx Fist. They will do anything in their power to disrupt our Order. What you defeated was not a test, but a very real, very powerful magical monster.”

A chill ran up Volinette’s spine but she quickly squelched her fear. After all, she had been triumphant.

“Not only did you defeat the elemental,” Maera continued, “but you saved the other apprentices from a gruesome fate. The Masters have agreed that you need more instruction, but that your place is here, with other wizards. In keeping with such bravery in the face of danger, the Council has decided that you should advance immediately to become an Acolyte in the Order of the Ivory Flame.”

“An Acolyte?” Volinette squeaked, unable to believe her ringing ears.

“Yes, you’re a Grafter.”

“A what? I don’t understand.”

“You need rest,” Maera said. “There will be time for explanations tomorrow. For now, know that you have a rare gift. You can graft your control of the Taka into your other talents. It makes you very powerful, and very rare.”

“But how…”

“No,” Maera interrupted as a cleric approached them. “Now is the time for rest, girl. There will be plenty of time for you to start your lessons tomorrow.”

Maera stood and left Volinette to the ministrations of the healer.

Volinette lay in the courtyard, thinking. She knew the history records well enough to know that she was the youngest acolyte in the Order’s history. Perhaps now her mother could be proud. Not only had she gained entrance into the School of Sorcery, but also she had found a way to keep her passion for music alive. Her father could say many things about her, but not that she was a failure.

As they lifted her in a litter, Volinette drifted off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that she would always have both her music and her magic.

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Two New Shorts This Week

I’m working on rewriting two of my short stories: Volinette’s Song and Secrets of the Shadowlight. The rewrites will bring them in line with the Solendrea universe and will solidify some of the timeline for the upcoming chapters of The Swordmage of Solendrea.

I’m pretty excited about this. It’ll give new life to the stories as well as give them a set point in the Solendrea timeline, which is something I’m looking forward to.

I hope to have both of them revised and posted this week sometime.

-MH

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Short Story: Perchance to Dream

Jack McKinney emerged from the theater and took a deep breath. The air was heavy with the damp, earthy smell that only came to the city after an extended rain. Wendy and Kendra lagged behind, still laughing over the movie.

Though it had been clearing before they entered the theater, the sky was now an ominous gray. Jack sighed.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he said, stooping to look his daughter in the eye. “No swinging in the rain.”

Kendra looked at him with wisdom only a five-year-old can possess. “S’okay, Daddy.”

Jack tousled Kendra’s hair and looked up at his wife. He felt like his heart would burst. Wendy was far more than beautiful; she was radiant.

“What is it, Jack?” Wendy’s voice was low and sweet. It flowed like a gentle stream, lifting Jack’s spirits to a higher level than he thought possible.

“Nothing, honey. Let’s go home.”

Jack walked to the curb and pressed a button on the lamppost. Traffic was terrible on the avenue at this time of day.

The brilliant white icon of a walking man flashed on across the street and Jack stepped from the curb. His foot disappeared into a puddle. Under normal circumstances, he would have sworn, but he tried to keep his language clean in front of Kendra.

“Jack!” Wendy screamed, but it was already too late. The truck skidded across the pavement as the driver struggled to keep the behemoth under control.

The bumper of the truck caught Jack in the hip, shattering almost every bone below his waist. He screamed, the force of the impact throwing him into a crumpled heap on the sidewalk. His lower body throbbed with each beat of his raging heart. The pain was incredible.

As he tumbled into darkness, a wailing entreaty echoed from storefront to storefront.

“Daddy!”

The darkness was suffocating. Jack’s lungs burned with the need to breathe, but breath would not come. He seemed to be paralyzed, unable to move as he fell toward an expanding light on the horizon.

Jack woke up gagging, his nostrils burned with the overpowering stench of ammonia. He blinked frantically, trying to clear the tears from his vision.

“Relax, Mr. McKinney. It takes a moment or two to come around.” Jack turned his head and saw the nurse standing beside the bed. She tossed the crushed ampoule into the trash bin and walked into the corridor, disappearing from view.

The heart monitor beside his bed increased in tempo. Why couldn’t he feel his legs?

Jack strained to sit up but failed. He was bound to the bed at his wrists and ankles. Why?

A buxom young nurse stepped into the room, making notes on her clipboard. She checked several instruments and reset the heart monitor. Jack’s heart hammered against his ribs as she turned to leave.

“Wait! Why can’t I feel my legs? Why am I tied down? Where is my wife?”

“The doctor will be with you shortly.”

“What do you mean?” Jack’s fingernails dug into his palms. “I need to know now!”

“The doctor will explain everything to you, Mr. McKinney.”

“Wait!” He screamed as the nurse exited his room. “Please!”

The restraints bit into Jack’s wrists as he struggled to free himself. Tears of frustration streamed down his cheeks and he sank back into the bed. A cold lump of despair settled into the pit of his stomach.

He was a prisoner, both to the restraints and to his own mind. All he could think about what the anguished cry of his daughter.

Minutes turned into hours. He waited what seemed like an eternity for someone else to come to his room, but no one came. Claustrophobia overtook him and he set out to find a way to keep his mind busy.

Jack settled for predicting when the automatic antiseptic system in the corner of the room would fire. He became quite good at it, able to predict the release down to the second.

Sleep had just begun to creep up on him when he heard footsteps approaching his room. Jack sat up as much as the restraints would allow. He was going to get some answers this time, even if he had to scream bloody murder to do it.

A stout man in a pristine white lab coat entered the room. He had an expensive looking leather attaché tucked under one arm and moved with a stiffness that betrayed him as a doctor.

He was older, with beady black eyes that peered out from under thick, shaggy eyebrows. He wore black horn-rimmed glasses. They had to be for appearance, as vision correction was done at birth. An unkempt moustache lay under his nose like the specter of a dead field mouse.

Jack winced as the doctor pulled a chair beside the bed, causing the metal legs to make a horrid screech on the tile floor. The older man seated himself, regarding Jack for a long moment before speaking.

“Mr. McKinney. I am Doctor Fowler. I’m the resident psychiatrist here at the hospital. We need to talk.”

“What do I need a shrink for? I need a real doctor to tell me what’s going on with my legs and someone to tell me where my wife and kid are. Can you do any of that?”

Fowler sighed, folding his hands in his lap.

“Mr. McKinney, I’m afraid you don’t understand the situation. I’ll do my best to explain.

You are not who you believe you are. In reality, you are suffering from a chemical imbalance in your brain induced by a traumatic dream event.

“You want to run that by me again? In words I can understand?”

“Let me ask you a question first. What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?”

“My daughter screaming.”

“Quite impossible, Mr. McKinney. You don’t have a daughter. You aren’t even married.”

Cold sweat broke out all of Jack’s body. What was Fowler talking about? Of course he was married! “You don’t know what you’re talking about. We went to the movies this afternoon!”

Fowler rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

“There is no easy way to tell you this, Mr. McKinney. You are not who you think you are. You are a convicted felon serving a life sentence at the Greater Baltimore Incarceration Facility. After your trial you were placed in a deep-sleep capsule to serve out your sentence.

Everything that you think you know is all a dream. An unfortunate mistake, but a dream nonetheless.”

Jack leaned back as a wave of nausea passed through his body. Fowler was lying. He had to be.

“No way. Whatever you’re trying to pull isn’t going to work. I have a good job and a family. I’ve never been convicted of anything in my life.

Even if I believed you about my identity, which I don’t, you’re still lying about the capsule. I remember when the funding bill was passed for the first deep-sleep prison. Part of the charter was that people would age without dreaming. It was supposed to be a humane alternative to the death penalty.”

“Mistakes do happen.” Fowler couldn’t have looked more insincere if he had tried. “There was a computer glitch on your capsule. A software error prevented the control module on your tank from suppressing your dreams. The result was a dream that has lasted, more or less, for the past ten years. We only detected the problem after your body reacted to the trauma in your dream. Now that you are awake, your mind is having trouble adjusting. Or, more precisely, your mind isn’t adjusting.”

Jack scowled. He felt like himself. He didn’t feel like someone who had been convicted of murder and sentenced to life in a deep-sleep. Jack stopped short; too many thoughts were buzzing inside his head.

How had he come up with murder? Fowler hadn’t said anything about the nature of the felony, only that he had been serving a life sentence. Maybe it was a natural assumption, an intuitive leap from murder to a life sentence. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t.

“So what you’re telling me is that I’ve been living a dream for the past ten years, and now my mind believes that the dream is reality. That about right?”

“That is exactly right. Now we must move forward to try and correct the damage caused by this incident.”

“And how do you propose we move forward?” Jack felt the warmth of blood flow to his face.

“Well, we’ll start by moving you to a secure facility where we can better suit your needs. We obviously won’t be putting you back into deep-sleep. We’ve already started you on a regimen of drugs to help you sleep without dreaming.”

“Without dreaming? A human being can’t live without dreams. This is my life you’re talking about!”

“Listen, Mr. McKinney. This is not your life. Your life ended fourteen years ago when you murdered a man outside a bar. Your life ended the day that they put you in a capsule, not to be removed until your body was too old to survive on its own. This is not your life, it is a dream.”

Jack’s stomach lurched at the finality in Fowler’s voice. Was it true? Was all that he felt, his wife, his child, all of it, really a dream? Bile rose in his throat and he choked it back. This had to be some kind of a sick joke.

“I’m not the man you think I am,” Jack said softly, staring at the plain white sheet. “The Jack McKinney you know may have died that day, but I’m not him.”

“I can’t say that I know how you feel, Mr. McKinney. I can’t say that I would want to know how you feel. We’ll speak again in the morning.”

Fowler rose and started to walk toward the door.

“Wait,” Jack called after him. “What about the restraints?”

The doctor turned, his eyes glittering under the fluorescent lights.

“You’re a convicted felon, Mr. McKinney, no matter how you feel about it. The restraints are for your protection as well as ours.”

Folwer stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him. Jack imagined that the sound was similar to a coffin lid being shut. It was the same thing.

Jack struggled against the bonds for an hour and then gave up.

Trapped in a world that was not his own, under the pretenses of a man who he no longer was, Jack McKinney was truly alone.

As the night passed, feeling returned to his legs. The tingle he felt was almost maddening. By the time his eyes got heavy, he could move his feet.

Jack slept, but he did not dream.

Fowler arrived the next morning with two armed guards. They looked exactly alike in every detail, from the dull gray uniform to the opaque visors they wore over their faces. Each toted an ugly laser carbine slung over one shoulder. These men meant business.

“Good morning, Mr. McKinney.” Fowler smiled, then apparently decided that it didn’t fit and put it away. “The attending tells me that you are strong enough to be moved. That said, we’re going to transport you to a secure hospital where we can work out your problems.”

“I think I’ve got more problems than your hospital can ever touch.”

“Well, be that as it may, I think it’s time we get you into a more stable environment.”

“You don’t mean more stable. You mean more controlled. I might be living in a dream world, but I’m not stupid.”

“On the contrary. You’ve proven yourself quite intelligent.” Fowler turned to one of the guards. “Let’s get him off the bed and into some mobile restraints.”

The guard handed his carbine to his counterpart and approached the bed. Fowler polished his glasses on the hem of his lab coat.

As the guard unfastened the first restraint, a thought slithered through the back of Jack’s mind. It was dark and slimy, something he never would have considered under normal circumstances.

The guard moved to the opposite side of the bed, freeing his other arm. Jack’s heart skipped a beat, his anxiety echoed on the monitor beside him. Doctor Fowler glanced up, confusion rippling through his features.

His arms free, Jack rubbed his wrists. They hadn’t secured him yet. They didn’t know he had regained the use of his legs.

Jack’s pulse began to race as the guard approached his feet.
What had it felt like to kill so long ago?

The guard freed Jack’s left foot.

Drawing on a reserve of evil he hadn’t realized he possessed, Jack swung his foot into the guard’s helmet. Pain shot up his leg, but he ignored it. Jack lunged for the last restraint, tearing it free. Ripping the electrodes from his body, he dropped to the floor.

The second guard, startled at the sudden turn of events, struggled to aim one of the two weapons at his prisoner. Fowler stood in the doorway, his jaw working silently.

Grabbing the carbine from the shocked guard, Jack reversed it and brought the stock down on the man’s helmet. A satisfying crack filled the room and the man fell to the floor.

Jack flipped the weapon in his hands, surprised at the familiar feel of the cold weapon. Military training, long suppressed by a dream, bubbled to the surface. Technology had changed in the past ten years, but a gun was a gun. He thumbed a switch on the grip and the whine of a capacitor charging pierced his eardrum. Fowler took a step out the door.

“Move an inch, Fowler, and you’re a dead man.”

Jack brought the weapon in a low arc, firing a shot into each of the guards on the floor. Even in his extreme, Jack felt his stomach turn at the murders. He might have been a killer once, might even still have had some of those instincts inside him, but it was no longer what he was.

The doctor flinched at the sound of the shots, but did not run. Jack stepped up behind him, pressing the tip of the charged carbine into the small of his back.

“Know what, Doc? I’m not real interested in getting my world straightened out. I want to go back to my wife and kid and live the rest of my normal life. You can do that. You can make sure they put me back in the capsule and let me dream.”

“Well, I don’t…”

“You can do it,” Jack screamed, his nerves reaching the breaking point. He jabbed the gun into Fowler’s back, forcing the doctor to stumble forward. “You can do it, can’t you, Doc?”

“Yes, I can do it.”

“Good.” Jack was close to tears. His entire world rested on the shoulders of a hostage, and even a reasonable man could understand how dangerous a position that was. “Let’s move.”

Fowler took a step forward and stopped, craning his head over his shoulder to try and catch a glimpse of his captor.

“You know that this might not work, right? You know that we can put you back in the capsule but you might not enter the dream where you left off, if ever.”

“I’m willing to take the chance.”

Fowler sighed, his gut heaving. “I thought you might be.”

As they walked into the hallway, an alert nurse ran to the wall and slapped a panic button. An alarm sounded, its rhythmic wail an odd comfort to Jack’s taught nerves.

People rushed into the hallway to see what was going on, but as soon as they saw the carbine they disappeared. These people worked in a hospital; they knew what kind of damage a charged laser weapon could do to the human body. They did not wish to witness it first hand.

Security arrived as Jack and Fowler reached the elevator. The doctor made a strangled noise in the back of his throat as the squad leader raised his weapon.

“Let him go, McKinney. We’ve got the building locked down, there’s no place to go.”

“There is always someplace to go.” Jack’s finger traveled the weapon, finding a small knob by instinct alone. As he turned the knob, the frequency of the whine increased, climbing ever higher on the scale of audible sound. “I’ve got the carbine on overload. If it goes off, it’ll take most of this floor with it. Back off.”

“All units, fallback,” the squad leader grunted into his headset. Even the toughest security leader would be hard pressed to justify the deaths of a thousand people.

The Security squad moved from the elevator as Jack and his hostage passed through the door. Fowler punched the button for the garage without being asked.

The doctor was beginning to look pained, as if he had just come to terms with the fact that he might not live through this ordeal. Jack turned the knob back to a normal level and the overload charge dissipated with a loud crack.

The doctor shuttered and Jack noticed a wet spot forming at the junction between Fowler’s legs.

“Relax, Doc. You’re the only guy who can get me home. Without you, I’m already a corpse.”

“The thought is somewhat less than a comfort, Mr. McKinney.”

“I know. I’m sorry, but as you said, I’m sort of living in a dream world.”

The elevator door opened to the empty parking garage. They stepped out into the dim light of aging spotlights.

An impressive array of soldiery stood behind hastily constructed barricades. The garage was underground. Security could force a confrontation here and win.

A bomb squad truck sat off to one side, perched high atop its tracked undercarriage. Jack was sure that it had been prepared in the event that he left the carbine on overload.

Jack stopped just outside the elevator. His time had come. This was where he would make his stand. Somewhere in the distance a megaphone squealed.

“The game’s up, McKinney. You can’t win. Let Fowler go and we’ll try to meet your demands.”

“You’ve done good, Doc.” Jack spun Fowler to face him, pressing the barrel of the gun into his ample belly. “I guess I have to do the rest of this alone.”

“You’re not…”

“No. I’m not going to kill you.” Jack looked at the soldiers, a sardonic smile spreading across his face. “I’d advise you to duck.”

“Why do this?” Fowler’s eyes searched Jack’s face.

“This isn’t my world. My world is only a dream, and it’s the only place I can be happy. They would never let me survive, even if you put me back into a capsule.” Jack’s smile disappeared. “But maybe I can find my way home on my own.”

Shoving Fowler aside, Jack whirled and raised his gun, as if he intended to fire into the crowd. The solders’ response was predictable and immediate.

The troops fired at him. Rays of ruby light streaked through the air, pummeling his body.

The world seemed to catch on fire.

Pain.

Agony.

Darkness.

Jack McKinney woke to the soft sounds of mechanical equipment in the background. A variety of buzzes and beeps fell on his ears, confusing him for a moment. He was aware of the distinct odor of antiseptic and could hear a hospital air freshener on automatic release.

Tears appeared in his eyes and consciousness overtook him. His lower body felt as if a cheese grater was working the nerve endings there. Jack forced his eyes to focus, staring at the plain walls of his hospital room.

A buxom young nurse stepped into the room, a clipboard tucked under one arm.

“You’re awake. Good. There are some people here who would like to see you, Mr. McKinney.”

Jack McKinney let the tears run unchecked down his face. Wendy stood in the doorway, Kendra’s hand clasped tightly in her own.

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